A scary little unexpected visit to the emergency room yesterday made Easter even more meaningful for me this year! As I lay in the ER with numb hands, feet, and lips, a splitting headache, and a racing heart, suddenly the fact we didn’t receive all of our Easter clothes in the mail on time didn’t matter. The fact I had to order a larger size dress this year than I did last year was insignificant. The fact our dusty rose pinks, sage greens, and beiges didn’t coordinate like I had hoped was not important. I was uncertain if I would even be able to get out of bed to put on my bigger size, wrong shade of pink dress. Nothing coordinates very well with a hospital gown, and that reality was eye opening!!
Praise God because the problem was medication-related. A quick prescription change helped me feel a little bit better, and I was able to attend church and celebrate Easter with my family today. I savored every moment of time with Kirk, the girls, and their boyfriends (yes, even them!) Laughter sounded more beautiful today. The flowers looked more vibrant today. The overabundance of food on the table tasted more flavorful today; because you know, the truth of the matter is this...the only way we can find significance in any aspect of our lives is through the light of Jesus.
Kirk and I recently had the honor of counseling with a young couple
before their wedding. The groom wasn’t a Christian, and He knew it. He said he was mad at God and was working through those feelings. I totally understood what he meant because I have been mad at God too. Why did three of my babies die in the womb? Why did Kirk’s dad get brain cancer and die when we all still needed him? Why did I have a stroke 7 years ago that causes health problems and ER visits even now?
I wish I could give you the answers to these questions and others you may have, but I can’t. What I can do is tell why I choose to keep pursuing my relationship with Christ even after all the hardships I have experienced. Jesus is my hope! My sufferings do not compare to his death on the cross.
We have members of our family who do not believe in God. I never know what to say to them about my faith because I know it doesn’t make sense to believe in a God who allows “bad things to happen to good people.” All I do know is that without my faith, I would be utterly hopeless. The days of longing to get in the car and drive would overwhelm me. The hole in my heart that formed when I had to walk away from the classroom for the last time would debilitate me. The scary trips to the ER would devastate me. So I choose to keep on trusting, keep on believing, and keep on hoping (and I’m going to keep on trying to coordinate my family’s clothes for Easter because I really enjoy it; but from now on, I’m going to see the beauty in them no matter how perfectly they match!)